To the Lonely Mama Who Is Never Alone
Nobody has time...Does this sound familiar? You see a friend/acquaintance in the grocery store. You both comment about how long it’s been, how big the kids are getting, etc. Then it happens, those words said with the best of intentions; “ we should get together soon”. You agree and both go your separate ways, with no plans cemented, nothing other than just those words.
Or this scenario: you’re very overwhelmed with everything. Your partner is gone with work, or just out of the picture. There’s a lot happening at work, your children (whom you love more than you can ever describe) are pushing every single button and maybe some new ones. You just need a break for one night. You mention it to some close friends and they say “you deserve a girls night, let’s plan one for Saturday”. Only you can’t do Saturday night, because you don’t have anyone to watch the kids or one of them gets sick when you start getting ready.
To rarely have a second to ourselves (I mean, how many moms really even go to the bathroom in peace?) being a mom can be so incredibly lonely. I think this is true for working moms as well as stay at home moms. Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids but there are times when it gets to be so lonely being a mom. You have to try to find other moms you get along with (which can really be a reminder of highschool in a lot of ways); try to figure out a way to get away, but then immediately miss them and wonder what they’re doing; try to find someone who can watch your kids that you trust. The list seems to grow and can, honestly, seem a bit daunting at times. So just staying at home with the kids seems to be the only logical choice.
Or does that seem to be the only logical choice? I think it’s very important that we learn as mothers, it’s ok to take time for ourselves. We need to have the adult interaction. We need to be able to step out and just relax and not worry about someone “needing” us every five minutes. If we do that, it will make us feel better and give us the chance we need to catch our breaths. This mom job is the hardest job I believe anyone can ever have. There are so many aspects of it I believe are left out or forgotten (ie the pain of childbirth; the sleepless nights, the constant worry about messing up your child, etc). We can get so caught up in the lives of our children that we don’t think about anything else. Often times, friends that we had before children don’t seem to understand why we can’t call or suddenly make plans to hang out (unless they have kids in which case they totally get it). This doesn’t mean that all of your pre-baby friends kick you to the curb, or vice versa. I’m still very close to some friends from before kids who also have kids around the same age. There are also some friends whom are also mothers, that I really don’t see anymore. Also, when you throw in the extra doctor appointments, shopping, and the fact that everything takes longer than it ever has-you tend to worry less about spending time away (it becomes too daunting). Those rare moments, when you don’t have to run around doing stuff for the kids, you are so tired from previous running around you just want to relax and probably go to sleep. Ok the sleep thing, may just be me. I’m a huge fan of it but don’t get a chance to enjoy it often enough ( in my opinion).
Again, I think it’s important we learn to make time. I know I’m one to talk. I don't think I've had one since becoming pregnant with my almost eight month old. The longer I go without it, the more I realize how great it was to be able to have a “night off”. I also realize the longer I go without it, the more the excuses pile up and it gets easier to keep pushing myself to the side.
My kids aren’t old enough for extracurricular activities yet (as of now I’m perfectly content with that) but I know how jam packed my days feel between dropping them off to my mom’s, going to work, picking them up, cooking, cleaning and bath time. I can’t imagine adding anything else to the mix right now. I think this is probably the main reason we never follow through with plans. I know for me, by the time the weekend comes I’m counting down to bedtime and somehow the clock slows down at 7.
I also understand that after so many “we really need to get together and hang out” with no plans, it really can start to get you down. No worries. It makes those times when you do get a break and those plans do work (no matter how rare it may be) even more special. When you get away and don’t have someone calling you every five minutes (please tell me this is a phase my precious son will outgrow, or I may need to change my name) more meaningful. It will help give you a chance to recharge your battery and realize how much of an absolute rockstar you truly are, you know in case taking care of a tiny human all the time gave you any doubt.
The next time someone mentions getting together, but there aren’t any concrete plans don’t let yourself get all sad thinking it may never happen. It can and will happen, and you’ll be so glad it did. The true story may just be, nobody has time anymore. Next time, just smile and know that when you do get the time to hang out it’ll be so incredible you’ll be ok until whenever the next time is.
What do you do to take care of yourself? And how do you combat the loneliness of motherhood? Please share in the comments below OR better yet join us over in our community Facebook group here to make some new virtual mama friends!