Self-Development for the Insecure Mother

Personal limitations play out not only in our interactions with others, but our interactions with ourselves. The things we choose to focus on have a direct influence over our lives. Knowing that the only person we can control is ourselves helps us identify our deep rooted problems and find solutions for them. Insecurities are like the worms eating away at our beautiful minds. It puts us in positions we know we don’t want to be in. It creates alternative universes in our mind that most times pushes our loved ones away. The negative implications of our insecurities can be the shackles on our feet forcing us to overreact or become complacent. Sometimes our insecurities derive from past experiences, or our fears. When we acknowledge our insecurities, then we can consciously assess whether or not they are baseless or founded, and create a plan to change, accept or speak up.

Many of our insecurities morph into limitations. These limitations can be either self inflicted, or placed on us by others, and have taken on a life of its own. “My nose is too big, I will never be viewed as beautiful”, “my skin is not light/dark enough I will never find love”, “ I am a single mother, guys won’t want to marry me”, “Girl you’re too fat/skinny”, “girl your hair aint right”... girl, honey… momma..

All these limitations we place on ourselves leave us SHORT.

-Short of finding someone to add to our family because we think we aren’t worth it.

-Short of success.

-Short of true friendship.

-Short of feeling enough.

-Short of being who we were created to be.

Now I know you’re thinking, “but Trezelle, I will never be….” I just want to stop you, because you’re lying to yourself! Unless you intend to shape shift into a different animal, a building etc you CAN do anything, YOU ARE ENOUGH, and you are a ROCKSTAR. Your insecurities do not define you, your past doesn’t define you! People’s negative opinions do not define you, not even yours.  As long as breath is flowing through your lungs, and blood being pumped through your heart you have a chance to break through your limitations and live the life that you know you were created to live.

Yes, Honey, the power is in fact within you to eradicate your insecurities. You have the power to create a better version of the life, feelings, thoughts and outcomes you have become acquainted with. I once read a quote on my Facebook timeline that says, “You are the producer, director, and actor in your life’s play.” You have the power with your mind to change your reality. Yes it will take time but, when you focus on positive, when you actively and consciously work to create positive change it happens. It takes time but just like that one day you’re going to wake up and feel the fruits of your labor. Always remember that your insecurities do not dictate who you are today or who you will be tomorrow.

This assignment involves a lot of soul searching and writing. Do me a favor, grab your journal, a blank sheet of paper, a napkin, your digital gadget “notes” section whatever you can find that gives you the ability to write this down. Don’t worry, I’ll wait.

Ok follow the directions. This is a 7 day activity. I need you to commit to this.

-Day1: Write down (3) THREE of your insecurities. And for each I need you to write two paragraphs for each insecurity, explaining why you feel insecure about the thing.

-Day 2: I need you to choose (2) two power poses. Yes, I know it sounds nuts but this will help us. When a fighter is getting ready to win, they all have a stance of power. And we’re committed to winning the fight over our insecurities and creating a more positive relationship with our mind. So find your power stance! Honey, trust when I tell you this works. When you feel like you’re “not good enough”, or someone points out your shortcomings I need you to get into your stance, chest forward, head held high and I need you to remember that you are not your insecurities, you are not your limitations and you were not created to fit into anyone’s box. Yes, this part might be difficult because you might not feel like doing it but do it anyway. Eventually it will become a habit. Eventually your insecurities won’t have the power to hold you down any longer.

-Day 3: Today is going to be deep! So, you remember Day #1 assignment? Go back to that! I need you to create an action plan. You have the insecurities, whether self imposed or imposed by others, whether from your past or fear for the future and they are valid. Yet, in order to create change and bring you to a better place, either active change, or acceptance you need to make a plan. So I need you to draw a table with 3 columns and as many rows as you need. Column one “possible change”, Column 2 “acceptance”, Column 3 “Speak up”. The columns all seem pretty self explanatory but I will explain so that you have have a better understanding. Column #1: Possible change, what can you change about your insecurity? Is it something physical or something mental? Is it something that can be changed physically or mentally by changing your mindset? Are you insecure because you’re unhealthy (too big or too small)? Can you get a nutritionist to help you create a meal plan so you can make steps to better health? Are you insecure because your spouse doesn’t show you love, so you’re worried they might be cheating? Is it possible to seek the aide of a therapist to help you bring your relationship where you would like it to be?

Column #2: Acceptance; Is your insecurity something that’s physically unchangeable but mentally you need to accept? Sounds tough right? I know, I’ve been at that crossroads more times than I care to admit. Acceptance is sometimes a hard, bitter, and disgusting pill to swallow but we can do this! In this section I need you to write out your steps to acceptance. Can you find something to be grateful for in your insecurity? Can you draw something positive from it? Write it down! Remember it. Hang it on your mirror. Gratitude has a way of shifting our focus and helping us see space for acceptance and growth. We can do this! Together we grow.

Column #3: Speak Up; are your insecurities the product of someone else's’ nasty attitude towards you? It’s time to speak up! It’s time to take your stance and use your voice to break your bondage. Bullying comes in different forms. You should never allow people to come into your space to make you feel less than. It’s imperative that you stand up for yourself. Write down ways you can speak up for yourself. People will treat you like you allow them to. I know in some instances where people won’t stop their nasty badgering of others, it is at that moment when you have to decide whether or not this person deserves the right to be in your life. Your life is yours to live, your life is yours to filter people in or out. If people, situations, programming etc doesn’t promote growth, well dharling it’s time to chuck up the deuces and leave. It may be the hardest thing for you to do but in the long run it will benefit you. Take some time to write down a few ways you will be “standing you for yourself”, and how you will go about executing it i know you’re scared but we are all rooting for you!

Day 4: Affirmations & reprogramming. So you know when your computer catches a bug you have to take it to a programmer to fix it? Yea, you are the computer and the programer. But in this situation you can hire/seek out assistance. So your insecurities are the bug and you need to clear it. Using your task assignment from day #3 figure out which you need to do. Do you  speak up? Do you accept it and change your mindset? The choice is yours. Today’s assignment requires you to create (5) five affirmations to recite daily. The only way we can reprogram our brain is by actively changing the negative things that are stored in our minds about ourselves. So get your paper and write down your 5 affirmations (ex. I am a money magnet, money comes easily to me at all times, I am not insecure about my relationship because I know I am loved…). Just remember that if you do not actively take steps to words resolving whatever your insecurities are, this won’t work. You can say affirmations t8ill your face turn blue but if it’s not followed through with action it doesn’t work.

Day 5: Find (3) power songs. Songs that raises up the warrior in you, songs that motivate you and make you feel good on the inside. It can totally be Beyonce or Rihanna. One of my “power songs” is Roar by Katy Perry. I also love Beyonce’s “I was here”, and Rihanna’s “Better have my money (the clean version)”. Yep, I know pretty crazy mix but those songs get me in the groove. Get me standing tall and radiation with power. Print the words on those songs out, and write out your favorite lines in your journal. When you feel low, burned out, insecure or just out of it go to those lines and remind yourself that “I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter Dancing through the fire

'Cause I am the champion, and you're gonna hear me roar, Louder, louder than a lion

'Cause I am a champion, and you're gonna hear me roar.” It’s time for you to ROAR, take your stance, exude power, face your fears, and look your insecurities in the eyes and say “YOU DON’T SCARE ME.”

Day 6: By now I’m sure you’re feeling the power, aren’t you? Today I need you to journal your thoughts, all of them. How do you feel since starting the challenge? Have you felt any change? Do you think you can continue with the lessons you’ve learned even after the challenge is over? Don’t forget to jump in the group and let us know how you’re feeling as well.

Day 7: Celebrate yourself for all the things you are and and all the things that you are not. You are unique, one of a kind. Every fiber in your being that was knitted to make you you has individualistic qualities that sets you apart from everyone!

And finally I need you to find you a crown (you can purchase from Etsy, Amazon, Pinterest, the dollar store etc) and every time you feel the negative thought of an insecurity tugging at you, I need you to put on your crown, acknowledge your insecurity and remind your insecurity out LOUD “I know you exist, I am working to reverse you, but I am the Queen of my life & my destiny, you have NO POWER over me! I am Queen and I am perfectly imperfect and I appreciate myself for who I am.”

Don’t forget to hashtag #Queenmother on social media when and if you decide to photograph yourself wearing your crown.