My Tribe is Online
Motherhood. You’re lonely but not really alone. You’re with a small human (or humans!) for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and if you’re lucky – get a few hour breaks in between. Unless you’re working, have set play dates, or friends that are in the same “season” as you – your kids and your significant other are basically all you have.
I get it, mama, there you are walking on crumbs, sitting in a room with toys thrown about, with kids beckoning you. You don’t have a moment to yourself. You don’t know when the last time you washed or brushed your hair was, you don’t know when the last time you went to the bathroom in peace was, and you’re thinking “I kind of don’t want to be a mom today.” Trust me, I know because I’ve been there. I’m there, almost every day.
Mom groups talk and articles are written about “finding your tribe”, how important it is to have a “tribe” because you’re each others support system, and loving your “tribe”… but what if you don’t have a tribe? What if your schedule is different and it doesn’t allow you to have a tribe? What if you move so much that once you establish a tribe, you need to find a new one? Lo and behold, social media.
But – social media is fake! People judge you! Moms only post what they want you to see! Ugh, I don’t want to follow her because I’m jealous of her life! What about catfishing? While all of this is true and I’ve totally said some of these things – the beauty of social media is that it’s on YOUR terms. Yes, you’ll have to filter out some accounts, unfollow and unfriend some negative people, people will get their feelings hurt, you may hurt some feelings in the process, but once you find your core group – your tribe, per se – hold on to them tight and never let them go. The world will keep spinning if you unfriend or unfollow someone and it will be okay!
I stumbled upon a few Mommy Facebook Groups to get some advice from seasoned moms and immediately left because of the negativity within the group. I joined a “Babies due in ____ Month” group on accident and found some international BFFs. I follow lots of mommas on Instagram and blossomed some of the best friendships I could ever ask for. I searched for other Mommy Facebook Groups and found some more amazing moms and established cyber-turned-real-life friendships from there.
Yes, talking to moms and having your tribe be “virtual” instead of in real life could be considered sad, but it’s really not. I almost prefer it! You communicate via text, email, or social media, you don’t have to respond right away if you’re busy with your kids, you don’t have to change or put on make up or plan around nap/feeding schedules to get adult interaction or advice, and if you move to a different city, state, or country – as long as you have wifi – they will still be there! Your virtual tribe will cheer on your little wins of the day (like putting on make up, working out, or eating a meal while it’s still hot!), understand your frustration (toddler temper tantrum? Husband napping?), and be there to offer advice whenever you need it (clogged duct, anyone?)
Motherhood doesn’t have to be lonely. Motherhood shouldn’t be lonely. We’re all suffering surviving through it, too! Find your tribe – whether it be online or in real life – and let’s raise some amazing humans, Mama!
Do you have a tribe? If so, what are some important characteristics to have in that group? If not, what kind of characteristics do you need from your tribe to feel supported?