How Your Choices Affect Your Kids

There are so many expectations placed on women once they become a mother. The battle begins from the moment you find out you're pregnant. No sooner did I read that “you're pregnant” test did I start second guessing my decisions on if I bought the right stroller or crib. And once my little girl arrived, the choices seemed so much more important rather than did I buy the right crib; now I’m questioning if I should of breastfed longer which is probably why she has so many allergies because I should breastfed for 2 years instead of one.

These are the kinds of things I have battled with from the day I had my little girl. And the choices only become more daunting as she’s gotten older. I have made so many choices that now in hindsight; I made the best choices I could at the time. I come from a very strict Asian household, my parents had very strict expectations of me and my siblings growing up. We all had to get straight A’s in school and listening to my parents every word. This all changed when I met my now husband in high school; the change was very significant being that my husband is Jamaican and that is very taboo in Asian culture.

We’ve obviously gotten married and continued on to have two beautiful babies, but this was a hard road that has greatly affected my children. My parents were very much against our relationship and they did try after I had my little girl to be a part of our lives, but in time the racists remarks would slip and try as I might to keep my parents around to have some kind of a relationship with my children I had to make one of my hardest choices which was to either keep the negativity; burying my head in the sand in hopes that the negativity would go away or do I cut off my parents and have my children growing up away from the negativity. And the choice was by no means easy, but the choice was very clear to me to cease all contact with my parents. It’s been years of no contact and not a day goes by do I not think about them and wish so badly that things could be different, but when I look at my kids and see their happy faces with not a care in the world I know I’ve made the right choice.

Through time I hope some kind of reconciliation and healing could happen and my children will get to know their grandparents. If there is anything I want you mamas to take away from this is that be confident in knowing you’ve made the best possible decision in the moment and not second guess yourself. Of course all of our choices as parents aren’t great, but overall if your children are happy confident kids then you're definitely doing something right.

What hostilities have you faced in motherhood that have rattled you to the core? How has this impacted your joy even when you have faced heartache of your own? What about Mai’s story pulled your heartstrings towards cross cultural divisions and how can we together as mothers love each other through our diverse differences? If you're in need of support, please reach out anytime via email or our Facebook Support Group