Adoption Was Not My Plan B
I'm asked a lot about how we became a family. People are so interested. No one asks a biological mother about the night of conception, or at least most people don’t. Awkward! But me, my story is up for discussion at all times, and I am 100% ok with that.
Most people who inquire start the inquisition by saying, “So you couldn't have your own children?” To which if they had the time, I would go on for hours about how these two kiddos were definitely not Plan B.
I love thinking back on our miracles of adoption. My kids are my dreams come true, and neither one shares one stitch of DNA.
As newlyweds, neither myself nor my husband ever thought about adoption as a way to create our family. I thought only of the blonde, blue-eyed-baby we surely would have. As our story began to unfold, struggling with infertility, all the treatments, and all the not so dream like situations we were put through, my vision of our life began to shift.
The dreams I used to have of that light-eyed baby with peaches and cream skin on a nightly basis, after I prayed to God that the next pregnancy test would be positive. I remember specifically the night that all changed. The night that dream baby turned into my dark haired, dark eyed miracle. The babies that would be my reality.
I knew then that having a biological child was never our Plan A, just as adoption wasn’t our Plan B. I knew then, that God had so much more in store for us. His Plan A was beyond our wildest dreams. Adoption was not second prize. It was God knitting together a family, where each member had been handpicked for the other.
It became not about what dreams we had made up in our heads of what our family would be, but about, just doing everything in our power to find the children we knew were meant for us. I don’t ever feel that I saved or rescued my children by adopting, they saved me. Yes, their lives would have been drastically different had we not chosen to adopt, and that thought is not lost on me. But what they have given me outweighs anything society sees that I have done for them. They gave me the greatest gift, becoming a mother, and I choose everyday to not take that for granted. The moments we spend together are extra precious, and I never want to lose that feeling of thankfulness I have as their mother. I could have missed this. I could have missed being right in the middle of a miracle, everyday. Watching my kids grow, into fantastic, funny, and loving little people, is more than any dream I had of how my life would turn out.
Don’t get me wrong adoption is tough, it’s messy. It touches every part of our lives on a daily basis, in ways that bring us joy, but sometimes bring us sadness. I am still learning everyday, “God can bring beauty out of ashes.”
I promised myself from Day One that I would parent my children, as if I was writing them a love letter daily. So on the day, when they were ready for the full story of their beginnings, they could look back over their lives, and know that they were prayed for, wanted, and meant to be ours.
So for those who may ask, ”You couldn’t have your own?”. My daughter and son are so much more than my own. They are God’s gift to me, He matched us perfectly. He shares these beautiful little souls with me for a time, and I am so truly blessed He picked me to be their mother.
1. What is the first word you think of when you think of adoption?
2. It is my hope, that somehow our story helps change the way people view adoption, to make it second-nature. What is one question you would ask, that would help you better understand what it is like to be an adoptive parent?