Why I Put My Husband First
Wifey vs. Mommy?
I know I know...there should not be any competition where our family is concerned but we are all human. Yes...WE know that mothers are SUPER humans but I believe that the rest of the world is in denial or just stuck on stupid. A mother can do it ALLLL and then some without breaking a sweat or asking for a pat on the back or even just a little thank you for services rendered. We do it all out of love not for kudos because becoming a parent hit us straight in the heart. Yeah...the same ole heart that my husband captured years before their arrival.
When I became mom to Jade and John, I will honestly say that my mind was not on my husband at all. THEY stole the LOVE! The love of a child is so much more...I can NOT explain it. All I know is that those babies needed me and my husband was old enough to fend for himself (LOL). How dare he want ME to put him first. BEFORE my children...just SELFISH of him! Yes...THAT was my mentality in the beginning (Crazy and HILARIOUSLY REAL). You guys...I am by no means taking anything away from my husband's parenting because he was the best father and husband outside of my own father. I always questioned him though...WHY didn't he get it? Why didn't he understand? We are BOTH parents so why is he refusing to hear my point of view? Shouldn't our children come before any and everything? At least until they are old enough to fend for themselves.
That literally tore at me in ways that I would have never imagined! I love my children, I love my children and love my children some more but I could not love them enough to take the place of the Father's Love. Being that we are both parents we are still very very different. Being parents is just a common denominator. The mother and the significant other in the relationship can bring two different kinds of love to the children and believe it or not it's a necessity. You both can give that unconditional love to the kids and be unhappy at the same time but your children will feel it all.
My light bulb did not come on until a few years later when I began feeling the tension between us WITHIN ME...yes I said YEARS. I am already disabled so being back and forth in the hospital is a normalcy for my life. The stress within your life is one of the main reasons that ANYONE could get sick. In my case...Sickle Cell anemia does not do well with stress either! YESS the illness that I have can literally kill me because of stress! Is it not bad enough that my children have to witness their mom get sick all the time? They are witnessing their mom going back and forth and back and forth every other week because something else is going on with her health but they are also having to live in a stressful environment when Mommy was at home because Mom and Dad are not seeing eye-to-eye on THIS situation.
At the end of the day...I was NOT going to let that happen ...not on my watch. I was NOT trying to kill myself over a fixable situation. My body and stress (negative energy) DO NOT PLAY WELL TOGETHER...yes y'all know this already but the point that I'm trying to get across is that there is really no competition where family love is concerned. You have to love your husband emotionally and physically because it will manifest within your household and everyone in your house will feel it. Positive energy vs. Negative energy is the true competition. Raising my kids in an atmosphere that is stress free & full of love is my priority and to do that daddy has to be just as happy as mommy is.
I had to check myself QUICK because I put my kids not only before my husband but before myself as well...Y'ALL KNOW THAT IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY! I had to remember to put myself first because if I'm not good my family will not be good. And YESSS... I had to remember that I was his wifey before I was a mommy and if we ain't good then my babies are not good either. Now I proudly Identify with being a beautifully strong independent woman that God made. He gave me the privilege of raising two of the most magnificent people that you'd ever want to know in your lives with a man who will forever have my repossessed heart...#MyTruth #NOMISTAKES #LESSONSLEARNED
Just as LaShawn described, it's so easy to get lost in our children that we forget about the love we shared with our partner before those little humans arrived! How many of you have put your kids before your partner? In the comments below, let us know what strategies you use to help strengthen your relationship with your partner AND yourself for the benefit of the whole family.